i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just gift wrapped bread.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
