I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
