Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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