One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
