Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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