Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I wish you could order shots online.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize