He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
