GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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