went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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