it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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