I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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