I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
