had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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