I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
