Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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