Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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