I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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