D3 body, D1 cock
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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