I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
