remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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