thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
