i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
