Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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