Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
