There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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