Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
