Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize