Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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