yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
