Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
