we have pet lesbian snakes
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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