before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
