I want you more than these girls want KFC
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
