Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
