Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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