1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize