So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
