wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
