don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
