Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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