I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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