That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
