guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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