There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
