If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
