I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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