I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
