So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
