That's intense
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
