talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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