i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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