.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
