Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
