In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
