I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
