There was a lot of him and a little penis
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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