What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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