Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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