Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
