So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize