NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
