he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I am midnight drunk by noon
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
