And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
