That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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